easter break

so it's finally easter. a chance to catch my breath from the madness of essay deadlines and constant running. a break from my guilty conscience of having a messed up study life i suppose?

there's a void in my life i feel...some of you say the answer to it is a focus on different priorities. i don't know. everything seems to have plateaued. even downs are good because at least something's happening and there's displacement. wrong word. there's significance and meaning. plateauing is probably the worst feeling ever. it's like running the straight route of a marathon-- the view is constant and repetitive, the gradient of the gravel level, the forseeable horizon endless. it's like stuck in limbo, in a physically paralyzed yet mentally conscious state. reminds me of the john donne poem on nothingnesse. this feeling prob puts his motivation for the emotion to shame. he felt nothingness from the absence of his beloved i.e. emptiness from the bereaved longing for his absent wife. i feel nothingness from the lack of emotion. there's just nothing to excite the senses, life right now a complete vacuum void of meaning and purpose. if that's a cause of worry to you, fret not. it's not a suicidal kind of existentialism. it's just a blank void. nothing. 'quintessential nothingnesse' as john donne put it.

i'd prescribe myself randomness. plain eclectic randomness. surprising, shocking perhaps, totally unexpected randomness. solitary randomness begetting all familiarity and predictability. forcing an obstacle in this agonizing plateau. randomness void of association. my only worry's the irony of anticipating randomness. does that work? or is that over-thinking it?

this easter'll be spent in three places away from campus. tmr i leave for london where i'm staying with jo for a week. which is a good thing considering we've been really wanting to catch up but not had the time to. then it'll be off to amsterdam with the guys. i leave u to ponder what adventures we'd have there...and then it's over to germany before heading back to campus to hit the books. 2 weeks. 2 and a half tops. i'm not going to make anything of this easter. hopefully the horizon reveals meandering undulating roads to rid off nothingness.