i spoke too early

introduction to politics totally disappointed me. i was really prepared for this one. had my topics all worked out. and they were topics that came out every year for the past FOUR years! then ben rosammond (module professor) decides to remove RIGHTS, JUSTICE, CONSERVATISM from this year's paper. well let's see...i was banking on RIGHTS, JUSTICE, CONSERVATISM and feminism, with backup topics marxism and nationalism. so what did i end up doing? feminism (the qn asked about LIBERAL FEMINISM which is hmm let's see...just about the SMALLEST branch of feminism with almost NOTHING to talk about?); marxism (the qn asked about marxist THEORIES OF THE STATE which hmm let's see....is just about the SMALLEST aspect of marxist theory with almost NOTHING to talk about?); nationalism, which was my backup topic anyway so i wasn't as set on doing that; and for the last one i was really pressed to pick one. there were tonnes of questions on stuff like institutions, democracy and relative properties of these institutions, so i had to settle for globalisation and the state which was a WORLD POLITICS topic?! how much can u intend to fuck up students' exams? gawd i still can't believe there wasn't justice, rights and conservatism. i literally spent 10 minutes flipping those 3 pages over and over trying to see if i had miss out any of my 3 pet topics. it was HORRIBLE.

rather demoralized for politics papers atm. shall take the night off. i just wanna press the reset button that says 'summer'. can totally see myself relaxing in eastern europe now. a seriously much deserved rest. 1 month plus of intensive studying is no joke. have pity man...i haven't sat for exams in 2 years! it's all too harsh..at least i'm almost assured a first for math and cda. i rather have assessed essays for politics. ugh. 6 days till i can breathe, 12 days till i'm free. =/

woot!

one down, 5 to go! was soooooo tired the whole day after the paper. must've been cos i couldn't get to sleep last night. i really am excited that the exams have finally started! cos it means the start of lotsa other things too. the start of a fortnight till exams end, which marks the start of my trip to eastern europe, and in yet another fortnight, my return to singapore (at long last)! so the start of exams was heralded with me skipping off to butterworth hall (with light-hearted anticipation) and aceing the paper! ok i discovered i made a little mistake, and i hope i wasn't careless in any other calculations, but woot! it's been a while since i completed an examinable math paper so it's encouraging for the rest of my papers. and what of the adrenaline during the paper? what a thrill! haven't experienced it in a really long time, but yea it's thrilling. i hope i can say the same for politics on thursday. back to the books for now!

summer beckons

with exams just tomorrow, it seems my mind's negating this spatial time of 2 weeks and wondering off to a period sometime further...when exams aren't the agonizing impetus to drag myself out of bed, and the painful draw to swallow page after page of journal articles. it's kinda disturbing how i'm rather relaxed, not really flustered about it yet. well there's this sense of an impending flurry of anxiety, but it's still in the depths of my stomach. it's yet to surface in a nauseating reflex to regurgitate.

it's not like i've been hard studying the past few days. i've been pretty relaxed, doing a little here, a little there, allowing myself to be distracted in between the bursts of readings (which felt like i was dunking myself constantly in a process of torture). but then i feel confident for the first three papers. stats, math, intro to politics. world pol's going to feel like a gp paper to me so i really pray i'll be in the mode for cramming essays. then the worst paper's to follow, with world economy. the dread of studying a subject as inert and unengaging as world economy! it's like having to staring at a cake of fat on the plate knowing u have to down it. it's not a subject that's very useful, very interesting, u just have to memorize it and regurgitate (well hold it in your throat until the exam then reguritate). uckk.

but for now there's an unsettled peace within me. the calm before the storm perhaps. literally everything's passed through my mind except the stuff i need to know. images of singapore, of friends back home, of summer plans, of the gig, of eastern europe with perry and pompidou, of meeting up with jo in london, of finally being able to come up for air again, of everything really. of recent conversations and mental revisionism of memories, of resolutions and anticipation. UGH! i pray this 2 weeks goes by in a whirl. in a blur. going for a walk before going to sleep. pray i do well for tomorrow's paper yea?

paint the silence in a palette of your disposition

came up with this line from a part of a song's lyrics. paint the silence - south.

it lends some truth doesn't it? the value of your relationship isn't necessarily indicated by the words communicated, but simply by your disposition to the silences. cos that's when you pause and listen to how comfortable you are with the silence.

pleasantville

look what i found on jo's blog! takes me back to when photos were black and white (haha!), when we were young, innocent, naive, constantly bitching about the school system and bureaucratic cts. arhhh... the memories of sweet 16. i actually do rmb when this was taken! t'was on a tibs bus en route to town from ghim moh..amos was on the bus too! gawd i miss those days...

skeletons from yesteryear

it's dangerous isn't it? to dig up old skeletons. the trauma that accompanies, as fresh as its rotting state you left it in. not to mention the stench. ay, trauma but reflects the impact it has on your mind, but stench. stench in its physical manifestation is quite something else. blurring surreality from reality. now that is scary. to even have to live a dream for that few minutes. all form, touch, scent and senses bring with them a sickening reality past of all history between then and now, a belief. but as with photographs, all that fades with dawn.